Saturday, November 24, 2007

Not so much

The 2-week wait was pretty uneventful this time. I tried not to think about it too much, and was pleasantly distracted by work, my birthday, and the release of Rock Band.

The morning of Thanksgiving I started to feel like I was going to get my period. I've never been one of those women who knew their bodies so well that they could just sense when their period was coming. Since I never had regular cycles, it took me a long time to recognize what those feelings were. But there they were on Thursday morning, letting me know that this cycle hadn't worked, a full day before my HCG test.

I went for the test anyway on Friday, even though it meant I had to drive 30 miles out of my way (since my local lab service was closed for the holiday), and had to pay $50 to get my blood drawn. Unsurprisingly, the test was negative.

I'm just sad. I really thought that once we could get me to ovulate that everything would come together and we could get pregnant. I know it's not that simple, but in my scientist's mind, that's how it should work. Now there's no simple answer for why it's not working, and my mind can't make sense of that.

My doctor wants to meet with me next week to go over our plan. I have a feeling she wants us to move into IVF, but I don't know that I'm ready to go there yet. We've only done 3 cycles and 2 IUIs with the injectable drugs, and I'm not ready to give up yet. I'm just so afraid of doing IVF and having it fail. I'm not ready to face the end of the road yet.

1 comment:

nancy said...

I'm so sorry. ~hugs~